2 Questions To Help You Decide When To Start Therapy
Everyone is talking about therapy these days. You hear therapy being advertised on your favorite podcasts, your friends chat about their latest therapy session, you see therapy ads displayed on the NYC Subway, your favorite celebrity raves about their therapist—therapy is everywhere! What’s not everywhere is a guide around when to start therapy.
Do you start after losing a loved one? Do you wait to see how long you can feel miserable and “just push through”? Do you go when you’re feeling “good” overall but sometimes the anxiety is just unbearable? Do you go when you’re feeling stuck in life?
Starting therapy is a very individualized choice. While there are no official “right or wrong” times in one’s life to start therapy, there are some indicators that it may be time for deeper inner work. By the end of this post you will have a better idea if starting therapy feels like a supportive next step for you.
Two Filter Questions
Two great initial questions around starting therapy are:
-Am I struggling to function in my daily activities/relationships/life?
-Am I miserable most of the time?
If you answered “yes” to either or both of the above questions then therapy could be a really helpful support at this time.
Most mental health struggles are contingent around our ability to function in our daily lives. Are you showing up in your home life, in your relationships, at school, or at work the way that you want to? Are your sleeping/eating/physical activity/socializing patterns working for you? Are you able to enjoy your life? Or have there been some real costs to living life the way you’ve been living it lately?
But it’s not all about functionality—we’re not robots, we’re humans! Maybe you are doing “the things” each day but you’re extremely overwhelmed while doing them. Or maybe you’re feeling quite apathetic, distracted, or miserable most of the time.
Don’t get me wrong, we all feel miserable at points, but when there is sustained distress—then maybe it’s good to be reminded that you don’t actually have to feel like this all of the time.
Should I start therapy if someone is asking me to?
Some of us may have been introduced to therapy as a form of punishment or as a consequence. If that’s true for you, I’m sorry as that is not the spirit of therapy. Good therapy centers clients’ free will and empowers clients to make decisions for themselves.
Growing up playing soccer, running laps used to be a consequence for me at practice. It took me years, a lot of reframing, and a lot of reorienting myself to running to find running enjoyable again. I share this to say, if therapy was introduced as a consequence to you, hopefully, it does not feel like one forever. It can truly be a magical, transformative experience—especially when it is your decision to participate.
Perhaps we are being asked to go to therapy by a significant other. Or maybe a medical professional, like a physical therapist or a general practitioner, has suggested it to us to help us manage our body’s response to stress.
If this is the case for you, get curious around this person’s suggestion and try to understand the “why” behind their ask. Do they seem to have your best interest at heart? Even though loved ones and medical professionals can request us to go to therapy, you still have the autonomy to make a choice that feels aligned with your needs and values.
So to answer the question of “Should I start therapy because ‘so and so’ is asking me to?”—no, start therapy if YOU want to. Your investment in the therapeutic process will be so much greater if it is YOUR decision.
Okay so why start therapy? Does it actually help?
Going to therapy can help you unpack, understand, and re-frame thought patterns; sit with, understand, and accept your emotions; talk about things with someone who does not respond with judgement or advice; grieve; make sense of who you are and who you want to be; cultivate a greater sense of compassion for yourself, and so much more!
Not all therapy sessions will feel earth shattering, not all of sessions will feel “useful” in the moment, and therapy will not be a “quick fix” presenting immediate returns.
However, going to therapy consistently and practicing what is discussed can have a transformative compounding effect. Talking and connecting with someone who cares helps. Acknowledging our thoughts and emotions can feel relieving. Learning coping tools and ways to re-frame our perspectives can greatly alter the way we can show up and feel in the world. When you find a therapist you connect with—yes, therapy helps!
If you’re wondering whether we could be a good fit in working together, feel free to contact me for a free 15 minute phone consultation by filling out my Contact Form on my website.
With care,
Chrissy
