Feelings! What are they good for? Absolutely EVERYTHING. 

(4 minute read)

Well maybe not everything, but they’re good for a lot of things. 

Before we dive in, let’s get curious around any potential unidentified beliefs about emotions we might have. 

• Do you see emotions as being helpful and/or unhelpful? 

• Are they something only a certain gender or gender expression is permitted to feel? 

• Are there “good” and “bad” emotions?

• What would it mean if you allowed yourself to feel emotions? 

• What would it mean if you expressed them?

After sitting with those questions, what did you notice about any sneaky, unspoken beliefs around emotions? 

Pause for a moment and take an inventory.  

Why we have emotions

What’s the purpose of feeling? Why aren’t we just supremely logical robotic beings instead?

Emotions are messengers. They communicate with us; they give us a clue about what we need and what next step we may need to take. 

They act as a signal to help protect, stay safe, care, and connect. Thanks to “fear” our species didn’t run up to the saber tooth tiger with open arms and give him a hug. Thanks to “love” we form herds, families, groups, partnerships, and bonds. Thanks to “anger” we protect our kin from external predators. 

Feelings are a sign that we are humans; they’re integral to the survival of our species. Without them we wouldn’t be able to create connection, support, and art. Without them we wouldn’t be able to focus, learn, make decisions, go after our goals, and problem solve. Without them we would not be alive. 

If emotions could talk…

Okay so now that we know emotions are necessary and a part of being a human being on this planet, let’s examine what they’re trying to communicate. Take a look at some messages from emotions below:

• Fear says, “Stay safe, seek protection” or “Take a courageous step.” 

• Anger says, “A boundary has been crossed, take action.”

• Sadness says, “Take time to rest” or “I need support.”

• Guilt says, “You may have taken an action that does not align with your values, reflect and make amends if needed.”

• Happiness says, “Yes! This feels good! Keep doing this thing, being with this person, or following this dream!”

• Love says, “Let’s maintain connection! Let’s stay in relationship even in times of conflict.” 

• Resentment says, “You’re not truly honoring what you want or need.”

• Regret says, “You’re off track from what is important to you. Find a way to get re-aligned.” 

• Bittersweet says, “Life is complicated and complex. We can feel two things at once. We can feel sadness/grief and joy/relief at the same time.”

• Grief says, “You’ve lost something or someone that is very important to you.”

Emotions communicate helpful information that guides us in tending to ourselves and our relationships. If interested, this tool can be helpful to learn more about emotions’ messages. 

What do I do with feelings?

You feel them. You learn to sail by sailing. You learn to feel by feeling. 

Getting to know your emotions better and allowing yourself to feel, albeit uncomfortable even painful at times, will help you heal and feel more alive…and support you in not numbing, escaping, impulsively reacting, dissociating, perfecting, people pleasing, drinking, binging Netflix, binging food, restricting food, workaholic-ing, etc.…ya know, all the things we do to avoid pain and discomfort. More on this later…

Here are some helpful steps in getting to know your emotions better.

-A good place to start is to practice identifying what you feel. Emotion wheels can be a really helpful visual for getting granular with your language. This helps you have more influence over the emotion than it mysteriously having influence over you. As children’s therapists say, “If you name it, you tame it.” 

–Locating where in your body you feel that emotion. Do you feel a heaviness in your chest? An airiness in your head? A pretzel in your stomach? This step is important to noticing the mind-body connection and highlights that part of tending to our emotions can mean tending to our bodies. 

–Allow the emotion to be there. Remember, emotions are like the weather—they come and go. You don’t have to like that the emotion is showing up or agree with it. However, practicing accepting that it’s here, switches your energy from fighting with the emotion to putting your energy and attention towards actions that matter most to you. 

-Get curious with the emotion and wonder why it’s pulling up a chair at your mental kitchen table. Ask it what’s making them show up today? What do they need from you? What do you need from it?

–Nurture the emotion with self-compassion. Hand them a cup of tea at your mental kitchen table. It’s probably been working really hard for you and needs a break. Or maybe it needs some comfort from the prickly world. 

Lastly, if you don’t feel quite ready to practice those steps, perhaps a softer place to start feeling is by listening to music that speaks to you : )  Music can be a conduit for feeling. 

Here’s a song that’s on brand with today’s post. 

With care,
Chrissy