My Go-To Anxiety Tool
(5 min read)
Have you ever noticed an unusual pain in your body and immediately turn to Google searching for the answer? Yeah, me too. What are Google’s answers like? Often they range from something minor like a bruise to something much more serious like cancer.
It’s terrifying.
Once we scan the potential diagnoses, our minds start to do their good old, protective thing. They begin to perceive potential threats and think of ALL of the ways to prevent or mitigate those threats.
We’re now paralyzed on the couch or frenetically grasping at straws, searching for ways to stop the now decided “cancer” from growing in our bodies.
Before we know it, we’ve just spent the last 2 hours of our lives living in a future, “what if” scenario that has not even happened.
This just doesn’t occur around medical worries. Creating these “what if” scenarios can happen around anything.
“What if my luggage doesn’t arrive at baggage claim?”
“What if I don’t make the team?”
“What if my boss reacts negatively to me asking for what I need?”
Our brains put on their hard, yellow construction helmets and try to “prepare” us for potential harm so that we can stay safe and survive. I think this scene from Inside Out 2 does a fantastic job illustrating how anxiety can flood our thoughts and take over our bodies.
Anxiety isn’t a bad thing. It’s trying to keep us safe; however, when it starts to feel like the anxious thoughts and feelings are ruling our worlds and we stop doing the things we want to do or be the people we want to be, then perhaps it’s helpful to get some tools in our toolboxes for coping with the anxious thoughts.
My go-to cognitive hack around many “what if” thoughts does not come from an evidenced based therapeutic modality (although it dovetails nicely with several behavioral methods).
My favorite cognitive hack funnily enough comes from a TV show called, High Maintenance, about a guy in Brooklyn who deals weed, named “The Guy.” There’s an episode in which The Guy and his friend are sitting on top of their van, shirts off, relaxing in the sun. The friend tells The Guy that he has a suspicious mole on his back. The Guy notices the mole and instead of panicking, he calmly says he will “FOFO.”
FOFO?
Yes, FOFO.
FOFO is my go-to cognitive hack for many pesky “what if” thoughts that I can’t do anything about. The Guy in the show shares how FOFO is an acronym for “Finding Out before Freaking Out.”
I’ve slightly edited my own version to “Find Out before you Flip Out.”
So instead of letting this sus mole derail the rest of The Guy’s relaxing day, he decides he will make an appointment with his dermatologist, gather more information about the mole, and “find out” if there is a concern at the appointment.
He doesn’t scour Google Images for a mole that looks like his mole and try to diagnose himself. He doesn’t jump to the conclusion he has skin cancer. He doesn’t start living in the future tense.
He makes a plan to “Find Out before you Flip Out.”
He “FOFO’s.”
And then goes about the rest of his day basking in R and R and living in the present.
What I especially like about FOFO is that it is its own word. The entire cognitive tool can be used as a verb in a sentence, therefore making it extremely accessible and easy to remember. Plus, it’s just fun to say : )
Try it.
“I’m feeling worried they won’t accept my job application, even though I tried my best on the app. I’m going to FOFO.”
Let’s go back to those vexing “what if’s” from earlier.
“What if my luggage doesn’t arrive at baggage claim?”
FOFO. Wait and see if your luggage is missing at baggage claim before spending your 6 hour flight worrying. You put your contact info on the bag. Now, just FOFO.
“What if I don’t make the team?”
FOFO. You’ve put in so many hours of practice. Wait and find out before letting the “worst case” thoughts spill over the rest of your week.
“What if my boss reacts negatively to me asking for what I need?”
FOFO. You can only control your own actions and you know you’re going to ask for what you need in a fair, considerate, and firm way. Let’s find out what their reaction is before catastrophizing and avoiding asking altogether.
“What if that body pain is cancer?”
FOFO. Let’s make an appointment and gather more information before assuming the worst.
FOFO is for those pesky “what if’s” that you’ve done what you reasonably can around and now the rest is largely out of your control in that moment of time.
So there you have it, a therapist whose go-to cognitive hack doesn’t actually come from her graduate training and instead comes from a show about a weed dealer.
Lol : )
If you want to chat more about FOFO and other cognitive tools to support with anxious feelings and thoughts, reach out to me on my Connect page.
With care,
Chrissy
